Cooking The Books

I was sitting in my 32nd meeting of the week when the Project Manager was trying to make a point about how much non-productive meetings cost. He brings up 4 of us as he proceeds to make his point. At $60 an hour for each of these people, you can see how expensive these meetings can be.

WHAT! I make $60 an hour?! Let me do the math... number of dollars x number of work hours in a year = Yearly insult. OK. Now I'll just plug in the numbers... 60 x 2080 = $124,800.

Aaah...helloooooooo... somebody has been skimming my paycheck. I don't come anywhere close to that. If I did, I wouldn't be reusing my coffee filters at home. (grounds included.)

Nope, I'd say the biggest waste at our meetings is the money the project manager's parents paid for his education. The boy can't count!

Dressing Ghetto

My son never ceases to amaze me. The ideas that float around in his head baffle me. Several weeks ago, he and I were going somewhere together and just before we left the house, he asked me if I were going out like "that". (This is usually a line reserved for your significant other.) Anyway - I asked him what was wrong with jeans and a sweat shirt. Not answering my question, he asked if it wouldn't be better to wear a button down shirt w/ t-shirt underneath. HUH? We are going the freakin' Home Depot! Get a life! I did make a move in his direction by changing to a pull-over polo shirt.

Forward to last week... We were going to a fast food joint for a quick bite. Again, the same question directed itself toward me. This time I was dressed in running shorts and a T-shirt. Apparently it didn't meet with Mr. Fashion's approval. When I asked him what was wrong with my outfit he told me my shorts were ghetto! Shorts, ghetto? Good Grief! I asked him if my jeans shorts would be less ghetto enough to go get fast food. An affirmative answer came back at me.

I guess next time I go clothes shopping, I'd better take him along. I wouldn't want my wardrobe to offend him! I believe we've entered the "My parents embarrass me" phase of teendom.

Boy+16=Cars

I believe that formula has been around for many years. So, why does my son have to be different? He's 16, got his learners permit BUT has no interest in getting behind the wheel. I'm thinking, no HOPING, that he is just lazy and figures the driver's license will just automatically show up in the mail. How else do I explain his lack of interest in one of the most important rites of passage into manhood?!

I'm also guessing that since the Mom/Dad Taxi service is still answering his every transportation whim, that he has no outside motivation to get his license. (Gas prices being what they are, perhaps he's smarter than I give him credit for.)

Time for me to pull out the BIG guns. It will go something like this: "Gee, son, too bad you don't have your license yet. When that hot girl you've been looking for shows up in your life, you'll have no way to take her anywhere. Of course, you can always count on Mom or Dad to do the driving..."

Yup, I've pulled out another tried and true formula: Boy + Girl = need for privacy.

Addiction

I must confess to all who'll listen - I am an addict! Yup... I should do the right thing this very moment and check myself into rehab before I get deep enough to never get out. It started innocently enough. I was offered some by a "friend" at work. It was good and before I knew what hit me I had gone back for more, twice!

I've spent a lot of money on this nasty habit and the stuff is hard to come by.

I'm asking for help. Does anyone know where the nearest rehab would be? I've just got to try and kick this habit.

Here's a warning to those that may come after me... stay away from those Hershey Cherry Cordial Creme Kisses! They are EXTREMELY addictive!

Pump This

Enough already. Everyone is complaining about and is amazed at the high cost of fuel. It's called supply and demand folks. If you want prices to go down, use LESS! If you bought a big pick 'em up truck last year and refuse to go any less than 90 on the freeway, you have NO room to complain.

Now I realize that for some of us, it's difficult to slow down to conserve gasoline. I try on my way to work. The response is unanimous... honked horns, tailgating, flashing lights (I'm in the slow lane jerk!), and, of course, dirty looks as they speed by "turtle" car. Heaven forbid I should go 65 in a 70mph zone. Even when I do go 70 there are tons of drivers that pull out and go around me. 85-90 seems to be the norm. Excuse me... you are in a hurry to go where??? Work!? It must be a pretty exciting job that you just can't wait to get there. By the way...nice Hummer. Does it come with it's own gas station?

Now I know what your thinking - wouldn't it be nice if a State Police Officer would see the 90 mph driver and pull him over. It will never happen! They will continue you to zero in on the "5-10 mph over the limit" drivers like you. WHY? Because chasing a vehicle going 90+ mph just isn't good for gas conservation efforts. Get Real!