Birthday 2007

Well - I almost escaped this year's birthday celebration at work yesterday. Unfortunately, it wasn't to be. Someone undetected and flying well below my personal radar, set up and carried off a surprise birthday lunch. I'm still amazed at how all involved were able to keep it from me for a whole week. I'll have to step up my "guard" next year.

It was a fun day and was followed by an equally fun evening with my family.

And now my rant: Who started the tradition that whomever has a birthday must bring in treats for all on that day?! What!!!??? It's MY birthday! Why am I giving YOU a treat. I like the old way, "give me the loot or you get the boot!"

Yeah, I know... as a kid my Mom would have a birthday party for me and invite all my friends. They'd get little goody bags stuffed with penny candy and maybe a .50 plastic decoder ring. But hey - I'd be getting a $15-$20 toy from each kid. Seemed like a good trade off at the time.

So NEXT year my co-workers(Repeat after me): "Happy Birthday, here's a $20 gift card!" "Might I please have a Fireball to suck on?"

Aah, music to my ears.

Father's Day 2007

Phew! I survived another Father's Day without receiving the dreaded "tie" gift. Of course, I didn't receive the million dollar check I had hoped for either.

I wonder why I look at every "special" day as a day to avoid something. Let's take a quick tour:
Easter - avoid candy because if I start eating it...
April 15th - avoid the IRS at all co$t$
Father's Day - avoid the tie and socks gifting
4th of July - avoid a neighbor who's sole purpose is to set off VERY loud explosions after 1am.
Halloween - (see Easter)
Thanksgiving - avoid the green tinged casserole - we don't know what it is but it can't be good.
Christmas - avoid opening any round tin - fruitcake is dangerous to one's health whether you eat it or drop it on your toes.
New Years - avoid parties arranged by friends at the office. If you do go, avoid consumption of large quantities of alcohol. When you drink anyway because its free booze, avoid making a pass at anyone that "looks" pretty. And when you wake up the next morning with a hangover and an extra body in the bed, avoid eye contact. "Pretty" may have turned ugly overnight.

Uh-Oh - here comes my birthday...

Worm Cheese

Just me thinking out loud...

If the early bird gets the worm, does that mean the second mouse gets the cheese?

I need coffee!

Can't sleep - clowns will eat me!

Keypad vs. 10-key

Here's one that has me scratching my head: Why doesn't the keypad on a phone and the 10-key pad on a standard computer keyboard match? One starts with a 1 on the top, the other, with a 7 in the first position.

Seems to me one of the two people involved in the design of these two creature comforts may have been dyslexic. How else do you explain this oddity? I'm thinking the 10-key is the odd man out. I don't know about you, but, most people I know count 1, 2, 3, 4, etc. I don't know anyone who goes 7, 8, 9, 4, etc.

.siht rof gnidne ynnuf a evah neve t'nod I

Cooking The Books

I was sitting in my 32nd meeting of the week when the Project Manager was trying to make a point about how much non-productive meetings cost. He brings up 4 of us as he proceeds to make his point. At $60 an hour for each of these people, you can see how expensive these meetings can be.

WHAT! I make $60 an hour?! Let me do the math... number of dollars x number of work hours in a year = Yearly insult. OK. Now I'll just plug in the numbers... 60 x 2080 = $124,800.

Aaah...helloooooooo... somebody has been skimming my paycheck. I don't come anywhere close to that. If I did, I wouldn't be reusing my coffee filters at home. (grounds included.)

Nope, I'd say the biggest waste at our meetings is the money the project manager's parents paid for his education. The boy can't count!

Dressing Ghetto

My son never ceases to amaze me. The ideas that float around in his head baffle me. Several weeks ago, he and I were going somewhere together and just before we left the house, he asked me if I were going out like "that". (This is usually a line reserved for your significant other.) Anyway - I asked him what was wrong with jeans and a sweat shirt. Not answering my question, he asked if it wouldn't be better to wear a button down shirt w/ t-shirt underneath. HUH? We are going the freakin' Home Depot! Get a life! I did make a move in his direction by changing to a pull-over polo shirt.

Forward to last week... We were going to a fast food joint for a quick bite. Again, the same question directed itself toward me. This time I was dressed in running shorts and a T-shirt. Apparently it didn't meet with Mr. Fashion's approval. When I asked him what was wrong with my outfit he told me my shorts were ghetto! Shorts, ghetto? Good Grief! I asked him if my jeans shorts would be less ghetto enough to go get fast food. An affirmative answer came back at me.

I guess next time I go clothes shopping, I'd better take him along. I wouldn't want my wardrobe to offend him! I believe we've entered the "My parents embarrass me" phase of teendom.

Boy+16=Cars

I believe that formula has been around for many years. So, why does my son have to be different? He's 16, got his learners permit BUT has no interest in getting behind the wheel. I'm thinking, no HOPING, that he is just lazy and figures the driver's license will just automatically show up in the mail. How else do I explain his lack of interest in one of the most important rites of passage into manhood?!

I'm also guessing that since the Mom/Dad Taxi service is still answering his every transportation whim, that he has no outside motivation to get his license. (Gas prices being what they are, perhaps he's smarter than I give him credit for.)

Time for me to pull out the BIG guns. It will go something like this: "Gee, son, too bad you don't have your license yet. When that hot girl you've been looking for shows up in your life, you'll have no way to take her anywhere. Of course, you can always count on Mom or Dad to do the driving..."

Yup, I've pulled out another tried and true formula: Boy + Girl = need for privacy.