Bowls For Everyone

I love College Football as well as the next person but I think the bowl thing is out of control. It used to be right around New Year's we'd have the best teams play in the Cotton Bowl, Rose Bowl, Sugar Bowl and the Orange Bowl. Now we have added so many bowl games that they start on December 19th and finish up on January 8th. Yes, there are now 32 bowl games played. To help pay for the giant affairs, we've commercialized the names. The Outback Bowl, Capital One Bowl, GMAC Bowl, and my new favorite the MPC Computers Bowl. Who?

Here's the frosting on the cake - Minnesota with a 6-7 record (only 3-5 within the Big Ten) gets to go to a Bowl Game. A losing record gets to go to a bowl game! How did that happen? Did someone say, I know these guys must be better than that. Besides they look good in uniform.

The sad part, the Gophers of Minnesota almost won the game. Please no more additions to the already over exposed bowl scene or we'll have a bowl for everyone in America.

A Week Before Christmas

A week before Christmas
and all through my day
the thought of missed gifts
keep coming my way.

I shop til I drop
just as I'm told
not finding "THE" gift
can really get old.

I've been to the store
searched places online
my list is still long
I may run out of time.

In seven more days
my chore will be done
enough with the shopping
it's time for some fun!

Sneaky Snow

Winter Storm Warning, two feet of snow coming, blowing and drifting likely, stock up on essentials and get ready for the return of the Ice Age. You see it on TV and read about it on the weather web sites if you live in "Snow Country". It usually amounts to 1-3 inches and many meteorologists claiming the storm JUST missed us.

If you live near a big lake, the next scenario will be all too familiar to you. TV land is silent, the weather site has a partly cloudy picture posted and one radio weatherman goes out on a limb to predict a 30% chance of flurries. Well, you do see a flurry, followed by another, then another until you suddenly realize your visibility is less than 100 yards. It is coming down in sheets, heavy at times. 12 hours later you are looking at a foot of "flurries". They call it lake effect snow... I call it sneaky snow. It is striking again as I type... I'm none to happy about it either. It means I'll be up early tomorrow - shoveling a whole lot of sneaky snow just to get my car out of the driveway. Suddenly the Winter Storm Warning is sounding pretty good to me!

On The Border

My experience dealing with crossing the border has been less than amusing. Although I've only had my vehicle searched once in all the years I've been using Canada as a short cut to New York.

The rub comes when it's "question time". They must lie awake at night just thinking of these gems. If they are designed to prove that even morons can be customs agents, they have succeeded. Some of my favorites: (while staring at my 7 year old in the back seat) ARE THERE ANY CHILDREN UNDER 18 IN THIS VEHICLE? Gosh, no, that's just a height impared 40 year old playing with plastic dinosaurs. How about WHO OWNS THIS VEHICLE? Aaaah, truth be known..the bank.. for a very long time. Let's not forget the ever popular DO YOU HAVE ANY FIREARMS OR EXPLOSIVES IN THE VEHICLE? What self respecting terrorist is going to answer that question truthfully? My all time favorite question - the one that my answer got me pulled over for inspection... WHICH BRIDGE WILL YOU BE CROSSING TO ENTER NEW YORK? My reply - I haven't studied my bridge names...I guess I'll just watch for a sign that says Bridge to USA and take my chances.

Did I mention these guys on the border have NO sense of humor?

Discontinued?

I pretty much shop at the same grocery store each week. They have a clean store with a good variety of available items. However, lately I feel like my loyalty is being taken for granted. It seems that every time I find something I really like, it disappears from the shelves. Are they trying to tick me off? Wow, low-fat 2% milk that actually tastes good with cereal...GONE! Finally, tortilla chips that are so tasty I could eat the whole bag in one sitting...GONE! Let me not forget HOT sauce to go with the tortilla chips...GONE! (Sorry we only sell medium or mild now)
Is it me? Are they paying attention to everything I buy and then pulling the rug out from under me? Does this happen to anyone else? I hope it doesn't spread to other areas of my life.

Wow... I just love taking this route to work. It makes driving so easy...GONE!

Vote

I waited till ALL the races were over to post this one. Why do we have to have political signs on every plot of land visible by passing vehicles? I know, it's for name recognition at the polling booth. Why so many? How do they manage to increase in number while we sleep? Do I really need to see the candidates name 4 or 5 times on the same street corner? Does more than one equate to more votes? Does a bigger sign make that person more important or is the candidate making up for other inadequacies? All these signs do is remind the voter which candidate has polluted the landscape. Let's not vote for them! I just hate having to edge my car out far enough to see oncoming traffic because some politician has blocked my view at the corner with his 4 x 8 foot name. You really want to impress a voter? Use Billboards. Anyone can print up a few color signs but a REAL candidate will show his or her commitment by purchasing space on the many available billboards in town. I did see one name I thought was unique. But, when I stood in the booth with all the names in front of me, I couldn't find it. I guess "For Sale By Owner" wanted to be a write-in. Proof that these little signs don't work. He had one placed in every other yard and still no one voted for him!

Buck The Trend

Popping up like zits after a chocolate binge, dollar stores have arrived. I can't drive anywhere without seeing one. Dollar Store, Dollar General, Family Dollar, etc. They have 100 clothes pins for a buck, 3 pair of socks you can see your hand through for one buck and let's not forget the ever popular clothes hangers for a buck.

I, for one, have not and will not step foot inside one of these dollar stores. Not even if they have one on every corner. (They do, don't they?) Not even if all my friends shop there.

Until they sell GAS for a dollar per gallon, I'm going to buck the trend!

Year In The Making

I've been toying with the idea of a new header image for this blog for over a year. I finally decided it was time to make the move.

I think it kind of goes with the new look of the page. I'm still not sure of white on black although I've had several comments at work telling me how good it looks. So, I guess I'll stick with this for a while. I've got two more headers waiting in the wings, IF I get tired of this one.

Some days I wish wives were like that. If you get tired of the head you were talking to, you have the option of switching heads. It would be a nice change of pace.

Same nagging - different face... I just scared myself.

All Day Training

I just spent two whole days training on new software. And what did I learn? That I HATE two whole days of training. My brain was saturated after about 6 hours. With two more hours to go, where could I store the information? Something in there would have to go. What? The final score and teams involved in every Superbowl since it began? I don't think so! That's valuable info. How about the wife's birthday? Our Anniversary date? Nope. Perhaps I can tap into the short term memory. (Kind of like RAM instead of taking up space on the hard drive.)

Well - I decided that was a great idea and tried it. With my new knowledge all tucked into my short term memory bank, I packed up my stuff and strolled out to the parking lot. It took me two hours to find where I had parked my car.

I HATE two whole days of training.

New Design?

I'm not quite sure that I'm done with this remake of my blog. I might just start all over with a new blog and title.

I hate making decisions... I guess I'll wait for feedback from my editor.

50th Post

WOW - how lame is that? I have plenty of rants but never take the time to post them. I guess as my second year rolls along, I'd better promise myself to do a better job.

I've received several "suggestions" concerning my page. It seems that using the provided template is OK for beginners but now I should be personalizing it just a bit.

So, by November, I will have to address that issue. I wouldn't want all 5 of my fans to be pissed off. After all, that's MY attitudinal approach, isn't it.

Note to blog editor: I appreciate your candor when checking my blog for errors. You can be a royal pain, but, I wouldn't have it any other way. Get ready for an increased work load! (see first paragraph)

Global Warming Takes A Hit

The theory of Global Warming was seriously wounded on October 11, 2006 when parts of the Midwest saw it's earliest snow in many years. Leaves are still green on the trees yet the ground is white. What's up with that?

When asked for a comment, former VP, Al Gore said "You know, I invented snow."

More later... (snow, that is.)

I Can't See Why

I'm sure that you have probably run into this in your travels but never stopped to think about it.

I had to go to my favorite DRIVE-UP ATM the other day. Suddenly, it was staring me square in the face. Why hadn't I noticed this before? There under each button I was to push was the Braille equivalent. WHAT! Braille? At a DRIVE-UP ATM!

Now I'm sure there is a logical reason why this machine would have accomodations for the unsighted, but, you have to admit it's a BIG ? the first time you notice it. I started looking around for telltale signs of an unsighted driver. (broken shrubs, dented cars, prone pedestrians) Nothing! Let me look at the money machine one more time...

Yep! Those little bumps are on the ATM alright, I just can't see why.

Honking Dogs

I saw it happen again the other night. A dog runs across a busy street and I hear the blaring of a car horn. Which raises the question, why? Did the driver think the horn was going to deter the dog from running across? I'm thinking it would just confuse the dog, kind of like "deer in headlight". Did you think the dog went to doggie "street crossing school" and knows that you are to cross only at the light with the WALK sign? Perhaps you thought the dog had read the state's driving rules and regulations handbook.

I can guess that the driver didn't. Otherwise he would know that speed limits on city streets are posted for a reason, brakes stop cars and horns do not. Next time apply your brake first! Save the horn for the idiot who sits at the light long after it has turned green... or was that you also?

Name Change

Is it just me or have you noticed a name change game going on amongst banks? On any given day I can drive through my city and see a familiar bank name being replaced by another. It happens so often, I can't keep up with who was who just a few days ago.

I suppose it doesn't really matter. Most of them are the same. They all have a "special offer"of some kind to get you to put your hard earned money with them, then find creative ways to separate you from a good portion of it.

Will the name change game ever end!? I guess I'll just go to my banks' ATM, get some cash, and go shopping at Hudson's...oops I mean Marshall Fields...no wait now they will be called Macy's.

Oh No! This name change thing is catching on.

Passing Storm

This past week we had, what I would classify as, a major storm roll through our area. Flooding rains, continual lightning, at least dime (more like quarter) sized hail, blow-a-tree-down winds and the ever popular power outage. My flag pole was sheered off at the base. Don't tell me the winds weren't bad!

The power company estimated 200,000 were without electricity in our area. Some didn't get it restored until 4 days later. The only positive for those people is their power bill will be lower next month. At least that's better than the treatment we all get from the major oil companies. How many times have you rushed to your corner gas station after hearing the news that the price per barrel of crude oil had just gone up, hoping to fill up before the rise at the pump; only to find that it had already jumped 12 to 20 cents.

Now let's turn it around... the price per barrel goes down! Don't bother rushing back to the gas station. The price won't start dropping at the pump for at least a week and only a penny every 3 or 4 days.

Just doesn't seem right!

Birthdays

I find it funny that when you are young everyone in the family makes a big deal out of each birthday. Then when you are old enough to be on your own, Mom and/or Dad send a card plus a sibling IF he or she remembers. Once you're in the workplace, your "friends" take you to birthday dinners on the milestone years. The sole purpose is to embarass you in public with a waitstaff that sings a little birthday ditty offkey.

I just had another birthday in June. Nope it wasn't a milestone year. So, I didn't have to endure a trip to the eatery. However, I did get to bring treats for all my co-workers. Wait! It's MY birthday but I bring the treats for the "celebration". What cheapskate thought up that idea? Whoever did should be made to sit through 20 years of offkey birthday songs... perhaps that was how the "bring treats" idea began in the first place.

Father's Day

My mother probably didn't particularly like this day. It would be the day she labored with my birth. Dad on the other hand, despite the stupid things I would do in the future, was probably quite proud of himself.

Father's Day is a day when your offspring try their best to salute you. They are too young to know why, but if Mom says so... so be it. Dads smile through goofy gifts like TIES, wallets, etc.

Me? My teenage son hasn't found the "guy" gene yet. So, to escape the goofy gifts associated with the day, we go on a "GUY" trip about a week before the big day. Best Buy and Home Depot are high on the list. As I walk through tools and gadgets I spew out grunts and groans when I see something that would be an appropiate gift in his price range. Thus assuring that come Father's Day - I won't be unwrapping another pair of white socks and matching tie.

Trust me when I say - the goofy gifts are only cute the first 7 years you get them. After that, men need to take action or be doomed for life.

Sound thoughts

Tell me this hasn't happened to you. As you watch late night TV, you automatically turn the sound down because it's kind of loud and your family has already gone to bed. The next day you sit down to watch some TV and wonder why you can not hear anything. YIKES! Did the sound on my tube finally die? Nope! You realize that by just hiking the volume you can once again hear the program. Conversely, you set your clock radio to "go to sleep to music" with the volume set at a comfortable level to fall asleep. The next morning, when the clock radio goes on with music, the darn thing nearly blows you out of bed! I think we are built with a day / night hearing controller which adjusts to the time of day. The problem is, I can't find it.

All The Time

Another of those paid-for-by-someone studies had its results released recently. The conclusion is that women think about sex MORE times than men per day. WHAT?! I'm all for equality of the sexes but men should be winning this poll HANDS down!

What has happened the the minds of men. Do we have something better to be thinking about? Cars? Food? How will we pay for the gas to fill the car to get to the food?

I say we men need to RISE UP and meet the challenge HEAD on! We need to re-train ourselves to think about nothing but sex 24/7. Are YOU going to let a woman take away the one thing you are known for? Talk about identity theft! Get thinking naughty thoughts immediately!

Of course, the study could have been flawed. Maybe they just didn't interview enough priests!

Sleep Apnea

Well - it's been a while since my last post. (As I was reminded by a fellow blogger who still has 2005 on the bottom of her page!)

I've taken some time to track down reasons for my increasingly lethargic trek through life. After an overnight sleep study I was confirmed to have Sleep Apnea. It's a condition that causes you to just about stop breathing through the night. So, your brain (my other problem according to my wife.) wakes you up to start sucking in some fresh air. In my case, I was waking up 77 times an hour. When did I sleep???? No wonder I always felt tired and had no energy.

They put me on a little device called a CPAP. It forces air down your throat, keeping it open for regular breathing. It's kind of the Air Traffic Controller of the body. I haven't been on it too long, but, the difference it quite amazing. Heck, I might even mow my lawn this year... well let's not get carried away. Maybe I'll start with small steps, like taking out the trash.

I might even get posting more regularly... I won't hold my BREATH!

Cold / Flu Season

Well it seems the Cold / Flu season is peaking right about now. This year's Cold is a real hang-arounder. It's been lasting 2-3 weeks with a real nasty cough.

Your choices for relief include your doctor and/or the drug store. Now your doctor has been trained to say: "Well you've got that nasty cold that's been going around. All you can do is wait it out. Don't forget your copay at the front desk."

Thanks Doc! I should have paid MYSELF his fee.

The Pharmacy isn't much better. My last count came up with roughly 50 over-the-counter "remedies" for the common cold or flu symptoms, none of which actually do anything but mask the symptoms and take all your money.

You know, every year my late father looks more and more intelligent. When he used to get a cold, he'd take a shot of blackberry brandy, sometimes two or three! Did it cure or slow down the cold? No. But after two or three shots of blackberry brandy... you pretty much didn't care.

28 Days is Enough

Whoever decided that months should have non-matching days? 31 days, 30 days, 28 days and 29 days (every 4th year). Why should we have a poem just so kids (and adults) can remember how many days are in each month? I'm ready to bring sanity back to America.

Here's my plan - We will now have months all equal to 28 days... period! I know, you are thinking but that will leave us 29 days short of 365. I propose we call a year 364 days and just add a 13 month with 28 days. Yep - it would land between August and September. Who wouldn't like an extra month of summer? Next you probably are thinking but what would this extra month be called. Rest easy I've already come up with a name... Autumnary. Just think. Those calendars you buy at the end of each year would almost be worth the money you spend on them because you'd get an extra month at no extra charge.

Who's with me?!

Winter Olympics

Is it just me or did the Winter Olympics hold no or little interest this year? I didn't have an uncontrolable desire to watch much. Apparently I was not alone. NBC was trounced in the ratings by American Idol, Survivor and Dancing with the Stars! Well what do you expect when they decide Curling is an olympic "sport". How does 4 men going 100mph down an icy trough compare to a bunch of guys sliding on one knee aiming an over-sized tea kettle at other over-sized tea kettles in a circle? Sorry the"sport" in that escapes me.

The Olympics needs an extreme makeover! Bring in Ty Pennington! Let's give the participants more of a challenge. The skaters will have to rough it with dull blades and no way to stop. Bobsleds? Those folks must face backwards. Downhill ski people should have to negotiate boulders place in their path.

Oh yeah and those Curling champs should have to play Bocce Ball... on ice!

Teens & Blogs

Have you heard the one about the student who takes a couple of pictures of two other students have sex and decides it would be real "cool" to post them on his blog. Not thinking beyond the moment (as most teens are prone to do) he never imagined that this "prank" would lead to pictures being distributed throughout the school, the girl involved trying suicide as a way out of the mess he created or the criminal charges that he now faces. Two pictures = three lives ruined. No matter what math class you take, that is a bad formula. Let's not forget the hurt and embarassment that affects their families.

As parents keep trying to allow their offspring more freedom to show how responsible they can be, students are proving that freedom at that age is not always the best course of action.

I had a picture once of my drunk buddy having sex with a girl with curly hair. It turns out the "girl" was a sheep. (Hey! It was dark and I didn't have my glasses on.) Now, if I had my own blog back then, would I have posted this photo? The answer would be no. I didn't want the world to know how perverted my buddy could get when drunk. But, more importantly, the sheep has family too!

FLU revisted

Well I had the "pesky" strain of this years FLU. That crap lasted the better part of two weeks. I managed to make it to work each day, although the length of the work day and the quality of the work would probably not pass any tests.

It also took away my desire to blog as I was more concerned with breathing and life sustaining things like that.

However, I am back to "healthy" on the life meter now. So, I'll try to get back into the habit of sharing the many thoughts that flow from my shull. ( or the skulls of my other personalities.)

Be healthy!

Phone Home

Guys with clipboards make me want to run the other way. However, this guy had me trapped between my car and the garage. (Crafty, huh?) So, I would be forced to talk with him. He indentified himself as working for SBC. His first question, I suppose to double check that he indeed had the correct house, "Do you have service through us?" I couldn't resist... you're SBC, you send me a bill every month but you don't know if I have service with you?! (At this point the moron bell sounded in my head.) Before he could catch his breath, I answered no I don't. Now I could see his eyes start to glaze over. My next shot went something like: Well aren't you now AT&T? So technically I have my phone service through them not SBC.

He let that one slide and moved on to his next question. (probably wishing he had taken a job delivering papers instead of running into butt heads like me.) Do you have long distance with us? My response... I don't know anybody that far away. Besides, if I did, I'd just use one of the three cell phones in my house to call. It's included in the monthly fees.

Mr. SBC's final questions - do you have a computer...YEP Do you have internet with us...NOPE, I'm into speed! As he walked away (I thought I saw him shaking his head as he did) I yelled...Hey if you guys ever offer TV... I'll save you the trip. I have Satellite.

Just Super

Super Glue, Future Glue or any one of a dozen names for the sticky stuff lives up to it's name. It sticks the cap of the glue to the tube. If you get a drop on your finger, it will adhere said finger to the very next thing you touch.

You should use the stuff once and throw the remaining tube away. It usually hardens and you can't get the liquid stuff past the blockage. My wife, always wanting to save money, came up with a brilliant plan. She would burrow through the hardened glue with a straight pin, thus being able to use the glue at least a couple of times. It only took a few seconds to realize the error of her ways. Yep - she now had her thumb and forefinger stuck together with a pin in between them. I let her suffer a bit before giving her options. I think we ran through just about all of them before her fingers went their separate ways.

Wow! That glue will stick just about anything together... except two items you really want to stick together!

Truth in Package Images Needed

They suck me in each time. I'm looking for something different to have for lunch. I stroll down the frozen food aisle looking for just the right food to tempt my tastebuds. Let's see..pot pies, 3 cheese lasagna(where's the meat?), burritos and stuffed eggplant.

Suddenly it jumps out at me, PIZZA. Look at that mouth watering picture on the package. Lot's of pepperoni on top and the slice being lifted from the pie has cheese just stretching to hold on. Yummy.

I bring it to work the next day. I'm waiting for lunchtime like a kid waiting for Christmas morning. Finally, I tear open the box, fold it over as instructed and set to microwave for the proper time. Hmmm... doesn't much smell like pizza cooking. Out it comes and I hurry back to my desk to savor the meal I'm about to eat. 5 pepperoni all pushed to the middle of this mini piece of cardboard. Cheese...WHERE? Oh is that this white dusting which has all but evaporated in the microwave? The red coloring must be sauce or a weak stand-in for it.

Attention companies that play with my visual emotions: STOP IT! Take a picture of the end result of the slop in the box and put that on the outside of your packaging. At least then I'll know to avoid it like the plague!

Ravioli?

During my weekly shopping I saw a ravioli container that you just put in the microwave. Since I'm always looking for something different for my lunches, I threw one in the cart.

Today I zapped the little sucker and took my first bite. PTUUPH! OMG! They are allowed to call this ravioil? This is the same stuff we feed our kids... and they LOVE it! I had no clue it was this yucky. I don't want to mention which brand it was, but boy- are -dees bad ravioil. The pasta has no taste, the "meat" filling is brown mush and the sauce is, is, aaaah red. That's about as kind as I can get with this slop.

Protect your kids from 370 calories of pure "blah". Don't serve them this junk.

Suddenly, peanut butter & jelly is sounding real good to me.

That Tears It

I want to know who the person was that thought sealing food in plastic was a great, safe, fresh idea! I can't count the number of times I've run into the "you-can't-open-me" bag of chips or the "hope-you-don't-want-to-eat-this-today" box of cereal. If you pull too hard it usually rips the bag and spills the contents on the floor.

Is this some sinister plot to make us all go quietly insane? Do I need to carry scissors with me wherever I go, on the chance I might run into a sealed container?

They have pop tops on cans of pop and beer. They provide peel back lids on fruit cans and those silly microwave ready soups. Why can't they come up with an easier way to open chip bags and cereal boxes?

That's my rant for today. I have to go sweep the cereal off my kitchen floor.

Resolutions 2006

I'm back and still wanting to rant. Amazing to me. I guess it's that time of year when everyone and his brother feels compelled to make a resolution. Kind of like a contract with yourself. Most people fall way short of their goals but I'll have to give them an "A" for effort. Why do we say that? There's not an "A" in effort. Oh, sorry, that will have to be in another blog down the road.

I'm trying to turn over a new leaf this year... less ranting - more kindness towards others. Time for my resolution(s).

I will try to be a kinder-gentler blogger.
I will try to loose weight. (not really, but just about everyone says it)
I will try to give up smoking. (I had to put an easy one in here - I don't smoke, never have.)
I will try to find the good in everyone. (Oh like I've got time to dig THAT deep!) Guess I blew that one already.
I will NOT write nasty things about my neighboor any longer. Mainly because he found this blog and I don't want to get caught.

Next year I'm gonna do Absolutions. You simply down as many shots of Absolute as you can on New Year's Eve. Make about a dozen resolutions and wake up the next afternoon with no recollection of what you promised or where you are!

Hey, you gotta give me an "A"....Absolutely